I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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