She said her name was "party"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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