I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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