you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
