You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
