You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize