I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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