Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
