so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
