It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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