It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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