Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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