There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
