There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
