i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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