Dude my mom stole all your condoms
id be glad to
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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