If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
