Yo dont text me then not text me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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