dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
