Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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