is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
