I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
