do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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