No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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