either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
