He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
