I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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