I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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