So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
