Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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