I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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