I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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