I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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