Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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