We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
