I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
