How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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