This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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