Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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