I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
