He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
