Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Even my vagina gasped.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
