hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't put those talents on a resume
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
