question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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