my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize