Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
