My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
