after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drake has all the answers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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