on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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