Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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