WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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