Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
