I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm both gender and math confused
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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