Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
