Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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