if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
