I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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