Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
