I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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