I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
