i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
