Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
