Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can I color on your dick again?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
