just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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