She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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