Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
