There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
