It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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