He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
