Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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