you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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