take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
