6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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