Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
