You can't special order awesome
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize