Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
