Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
