Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
