THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
