After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
