my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This baby is an asshole
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize