walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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