...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
